Saturday, January 12, 2013

My slice of heaven in a pit of fire.

   Well for the start of this story we have to back-track a little. It gets a little confusing so hang in there:) We have to rewind all the way back to 6 days after I met N at that club. At this time N and I were texting, we weren't actually dating, we were just "talking". So one night I got this message on Facebook from this guy in a neighboring small town about 20 minutes away. I had never met this guy, and didn't know many people that lived in his town besides a few people from my high school. The message read "Hey you don't know me, but I just wanted to tell you, you're really hot :)". Usually those types of messages make me mad, and I ignore them, but there was something different this time. I actually smiled, and laughed a little while I read it. I messaged back, and that's how it all started.
   He didn't have a phone so we messaged each other on Facebook every day. We got closer and closer to one another. The conversation between us flowed so easily, we didn't even have to try. To this day I can't describe the type of connection we had, it was just magnetic and so natural. His name was D. He had long dark black hair that just brushed the top of his eyebrows, chocolate brown eyes, he was about 5'9, and very slim in figure. He was only 10 days older than me, and in a grade below me. We always teased each other about that. The first time D and I ever met in person was at the coffee shop where he worked. We had talked earlier in the day about the time we would meet, and how we would find each other once we got there. He told me to go up to bar, and order a raspberry smoothie, because that was his station, and he would know I was there once that item was ordered that night:) He always thought of creative stuff like that for the times we did get to hang out. His parents had met me several times, but still wouldn't let him have anyone over. So the coffee shop was our normal meeting place.
   But from the very beginning I told D that I was talking to someone, and I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend. He accepted that, and told me he would be more than happy to be just my best friend. He said "Well H, I already considered you my best friend a few days after we started talking:)" The closer he got the more personal things he told me about himself, and I him. He helped me get through some family issues at one time, and was always there when I needed someone to call and cry to. And likewise with me, D came from a bad family situation. He felt confident enough to confide in me that when he was 13 he was taken away from his biological parents due to drug problems. His older sister was killed in a drug related incident, and his 3 other sisters were also taken away from the parents when D was. D's adopted parents were very strict, and very very religious. When he was having a hard night, he always confided in me, and I tried my best to comfort him. That was how close our relationship had gotten. We were always there for each other no matter what.
  Then bad things started to happen with N. And since I always went to D for advice and comfort, this was no different. We were on the phone one night, and he told me "H you deserve better than that, he treats you horribly, why can't you see that? I'm your best friend, and I've seen you miserable with him these past few months. Maybe you can't see it, but I can. Just because you went that far with him doesn't mean you have to stay and be emotionally abused every day by him. I can't stand to see you like this" Deep down I knew he was right, but I couldn't get myself to break up with N at that point. My morality had gotten the best of me. I felt like I needed to stay with N, and to try to make our relationship work because I had given him that important part of me. I mean I grew up in a Catholic elementary school, and I go to a Catholic high school. That just kinda shows you the stuff that I've been taught my whole life. Sex did mean a lot to me. It's not just a physical action, it's a way of showing your love for someone, and a symbol of commitment to that person.
   Things with N just kept spiraling down and down and down after that first time he cheated. And D noticed my happiness was being buried by more and more sadness, hurt, and that N was slowly demolishing my trust in people, but couldn't do anything to stop it. He could only try to support me, and I think that is what made him the most upset. The fact that my world was slowly being set on fire, piece by piece. But he also knew that he was my only relief and safe zone in my world of fire, and that he needed to rescue me somehow.
To Be Continued:

No comments:

Post a Comment